[there were plenty of times in the past when jiho would wake up to find rook's side of the bed empty, or the demon would be there one moment and gone the next. he didn't give it too much thought. he just assumed that rook wanted a change of scenery for his napping, or jut got bored of watching jiho read his book while fighting his feelings.
he knows the truth now, realized it one night when rook went from all bright smiles to a look of disappointment and a whispered apology before he left ash against the fingers that had just been touching his hair. the nail is driven even deeper the second time, when rook comes back with marks on his body, when he promised jiho that it didn't hurt but had trouble meeting the assassin's eyes.
jiho, like everyone, had assumed things. he knows better now, and one of the pains of caring for someone is that when they hurt, you hurt. even the times when he returns quickly, and unbothered, he's still too often pulled away in the middle of a story or a smile. he has no control over it, and jiho will never fault it for him.
he knits while he's gone, trying not to fume, trying not to worry. the blanket gets longer, and jiho's skill gets better, until one day rook returns and can crawl underneath it with him, jiho pulling it up over their heads. he touches the demon's face in the semi-darkness, trying to express so many things with soft touches of his lips: i'm glad you're back. i'm glad you're okay. sometimes it seems to take rook a little time to ground himself back into this, something soft that doesn't make demands of his body. which makes jiho hesitant to even ask, but he wants to know.]
[ for the longest time, Rook tried to hide the fact that he was summoned place. and not just from Jiho, from everyone. the demon did a lot to make sure that the people in this house didn't see the more demonic side of him, that he kept his Cardinal under control and spent more time sequestered away and sleeping than antyhing else. but then-- then Jiho happened and suddenly Rook wasn't alone nearly as often and he didn't want to be alone and--
well, he couldn't stop being summoned, no matter how much he might want to. if he could make it so he could ignore the pull, the call, he would stay curled up around Jiho for the rest of time.
but he can't, so he just apologizes for having to leave and vows to never talk about what happens when he is away. which is hard on the few times when marks linger, when the person who summoned him lusted for pain and Rook, being what he is, had to give it. still, Rook doesn't talk about it. wishes that Jiho didn't have to see the lingering scars, because he knows that it bothers him. it never bothered Rook either, at least not until Jiho.
Rook was starting to think of things in terms of 'Before Jiho' and 'After Jiho'. he likes the latter, because it is warm blankets and soft laughter, dry read alouds of his newest book, and mock sword fights with knitting needles.
it's home.
sinking into the touch beneath the blankets, Rook can feel any lingering tension seep out of him, wraps around Jiho like a lifeline and buries his face against the curve of his neck. safe. peaceful.
so needless to say the question, no matter how soft, throws him for a loop. Rook freezes against Jiho, eyes snapping open in the twilight as he processes the question.]
Wh-- I mean, you need the ritual spell. My demonic name, some blood, a black candle but-- [ Rook shifts doesn't pull away, but pulls his head back enough to see Jiho.] Why?
[before rook and after rook. jiho could think that way too, the demon having turned him upside down and shook him, until his heart and all his feelings fell on the floor at rook's feet. he's happier than he's been in...probably ever. which only makes the ache that he feels at rook's situation even more profound.
he can deal with it though. this isn't enough to chase him away, he won't be chased away. but if he can help...
black candles are easy to come back in this house. so is a little bit of blood. jiho's eyes are steady as rook looks up at him, the assassin's hand gentle as it continues stroking his hair.]
Could I pull you back? If someone takes you away, can I summon you back here again? Back to me.
[ this is not what Rook expected to hear. not even a little bit. the demon stays hwere he is, quiet and warm and soft curled under the blankets with Jiho as he processes what is going on. what Jiho is asking him. why Jiho is asking him.
back to me rings in his ears.
Rook makes a noise before burying his face back against Jiho's skin, enjoying the easy comfort his presence brings as he tries to find words.]
Yeah I mean-- I could give you some of my blood to make the summoning more powerful, could pull me out of anything that way but-- [ there was always a but and this-- this is the hard part. Rook sighs, presses closer like he is trying to hide against Jiho's skin, away from everything.] I would be under your command then, my Cardinal in full effect. Ji, that--
[ he shakes his head. all but whispers the next words.] It would be a contract of sorts, I would have to fulfill whatever you lust after. You'd see me as the demon I am and not... this.
[pull him out of anything...that makes jiho feel even stronger about it. even if he has no real idea of what rook is being summoned for every time he leaves his pillow, or in the middle of tea, or a chapter. if some frustrated housewife with an interest in the occult wants to get off with him, maybe that's not so bad for rook. he doesn't really want to ask, not because of jealousy or anything like that. he's already getting the best parts of rook as far as he's concerned.
but he's afraid. he doesn't want to think of rook being made miserable every time he has to go. even if he's not being hurt, it's never really with his consent. jiho's not sure what he would do if he thinks about it too much, but it would likely be something dangerous. stupid.
so he doesn't like the idea of rook being under his control any more than he likes him under anyone else's. what he lusts for is what they normally have, so maybe there's a loophole in that. but the way rook presses closer, the softness of his voice, there's another part of this that's bothering him.]
that is the questions. well, kind of. not really. Rook knows that Jiho wouldn't be scared of him. hopes at least, but there-- he wasn't really himself when he was summoned. the spell made his Cardinal come out full force, made him more a puppet of Belial and Lust than it allowed him to be himself. he couldn't hurt Jiho if he was summoned by him, but he also--
he doesn't want Jiho to see him like that. dripping in gold and desire, something that was entirely not him.
the demon makes a quiet noise and shakes his head. then he pulls back a little, looks at Jiho for a moment before his gaze skitters away again.
No, not scared of me. I just... I don't want you to see that. See what I really am. [ because Rook hated his demonic form. and, well, he was a demon. that form was more him than this one in some respects. if you asked him. ]
[jiho's voice is firm but quiet, wanting rook to look him in the eyes again.]
You've seen me covered in blood, my own and someone else's. [if either of them had a reason to run from the other, it's rook. he's already seen jiho at his...not best, and he's still here.] Show me what you are, it won't change anything.
[rook could return with charred black skin, hooves, and a forked tongue. there's still a connection to the gentle demon lying beside him. that's all jiho needs.]
Teach me to do this. [he cups his cheek, aiming a soft kiss for his lips, resting their foreheads together.] Please.
[ looking up at Jiho, Rook finds that steady and quiet strength that he has come to depend on more than he probably should. Jiho speaks with certainty, really believing that whatever Rook might come back as won't be enough to unnerve him. and honestly? Rook believes him. knows that he could come back looking like the fucking Leviathan and Jiho wouldn't care, but still--
Jiho kisses him softly.
mumbles please quietly between them in the dark.
Rook shivers at that. melts a little more and sinks into the warmth and quiet around them.
inhale. exhale.]
Okay.
[ he can do this, for Jiho. ]
Tomorrow. I can-- I can show you tomorrow and teach you the spell. But-- I mean it, Jiho, I'm not.. I'm not me. Not really.
[not the same way he handles others when he leaves the house. this requires love instead of aggression, and while once not so long ago jiho wouldn't have thought himself the man for the job-
with rook, it's different. that desire that jiho has to protect the house and those in it can be narrowed down into a fine point for the demon.]
Tomorrow.
[jiho presses against him, hand curling around the back of the demon's neck as he returns to kissing him, slow and deep and grounding.]
I know you can.[ that quiet confidence has Rook laughing, shaky and quiet, but he knows that it is the truth. Jiho will do whatever he can to help Rook with this, to call him back when he is pulled away. to embrace the truth of what he is at his core probably better than Rook ever did.
Rook really has no idea what he has done to deserve this. to deserve Jiho, but he doesn't want to think on it too much.
melting into the kiss, Rook shifts to pull the assassin closer, rolls to pull him on top of him and sighs at the added weight. feels safe. runs his fingers through Jiho's hair and exhales the tension that was coiling between his shoulder blades.]
Thank you.
[ the are barely spoken against his lips, but Rook knows that Jiho hears him. he always does. ]
[he hums, an acknowledgement of rook's words even if no thanks is necessary. this is something jiho can do. maybe not only jiho, but what rook offers him in return, the horrors that he takes from him and sins that he absolves with every kiss. it would eat him alive if he couldn't bear some of rook's burdens in return.
jiho spends a few minutes just kissing him, resting on top of his body. he's never going to get tired of the demon's mouth, the soft lips that meet every press of his own. but at length, he breaks away from them to catch his breath.]
[ by the time they separate to breath, Rook feels so much better. feels stable and grounded. can smile softly up at the other easily, breathe easier even with the weight on his chest.
there is a noise terribly close to a purr as Rook pulls Jiho closer, presses his face into the other's neck and inhales, lets his hands slide up and down along his back, pressing along the knobs of his spine.]
I will write it for you tomorrow, it won't make much sense to say it since you probably... won't be able to pronounce it. But--[ and he isn't insulting Jiho there, it is just that his name isn't in a language known to earth. not spoken at least. still, he hums and says it anyway, a rumble of what sounds like harsh, jarring noises and a hiss.
he traces the symbols for it against Jiho's shoulder blades.] You don't say it in the spell. Clearly.
[jiho realizes something then, and it's just how much comfort rook takes in his body. not in a sexual way, but just the touch of his lips, the scent of him. he's small, but he's real, and rook can pull him close without any protest from the assassin. the demon needs him.
congratulations, rook. you've just found the way of making jiho more careful with himself.
but it works both ways. jiho needs him too. he needs that laughter, and the adoring looks. he needs the sweetness of his mouth to make him feel things. the side of rook's body is a place for him to belong. that's why they're even having this conversation in the first place, jiho needs him so much.
there's a shiver when rook says his name, but not even a flicker of fear. and whatever it is that you're tracing against his skin, once jiho has it in his hands-
well, don't be surprised what he might do with it.]
I'll only do what you tell me to do. You don't have to worry, Rook. I wouldn't endanger either of us.
[ it is really all the more effective when Jiho comes to the realization on his own, though it is a truth that maybe even Rook isn't aware of. not yet at least. he knows that he is tactile in nature, that he touches and enjoys being touched, but it really is so much better when it is with someone that he has something more with. with someone he adores this fiercely.
which is why he hands over his name so easily. it was not just the fae that guarded their true names, or the old gods, demons were easily controlled by them as well, the greater Cardinals told no one their names, had them erased from language if possible, but Rook-- Rook's name was something lesser. something to be woven into spells to pull him forth.
and now it was in Jiho's care.
the demon breathes Jiho in, lets himself feel content for a while longer here. safe. so goddamned safe. he presses his lips to the crown of Jiho's head, smiling softly.] I know you wouldn't. But-- consider it yours now. In whatever sense I can give it to you.
[ maybe Jiho won't realize just how trusting that is, to have a demon hand over his name willingly.]
Wow, asking me to take your name. Isn't it a little soon for that?
[this. shit. jiho smiles before rolling on top of him, that smile softening as he looks into rook's eyes.]
I should give you something too. [he means that. he actually knows that rook is giving him something important. jiho doesn't really want control over any part of rook, demon included, but he at least knows that he won't abuse it. rook must know it too, to trust him like this. and so it does make jiho wish that he had something equally as precious to give him.] I want to. I don't think I have anything, but if there's anything you can put a name to, it's yours.
[ holy hell. Rook blinks a few times as Jiho moves, the words taking a moment to really make sense because wow Jiho is gorgeous. breathtaking. which is why his laughter sounds a little ragged, strained.]
I cannot--
[ no, wait. let him breathe before you go stealing it again like that.
Rook opens his mouth then snaps it shut, the 'you don't have to' already on his lips when Jiho says he wants to. that it is something he desires rather than just something he thinks he should do. and Rook can't deny him much of anything, ever. so the demon slides his hands along Jiho's skin, along his thighs and over his hips, look of wonder on his face.]
Ji-- you already have given me something, and I mean more than just your amazing self. [ a crooked smile, the barest squeeze of his fingers. ] You've given me the closest thing to redemption, to heaven, that I will ever know. You are really all I ever want, for as long as you are willing to give me.
[jiho doesn't like doing things out of a sense of obligation, though it's always a sense of devotion where rook's concerned. the offer came from his heart, shriveled little black thing that it is, or was, before rook put feeling back into his body and made it want to beat again, if only for him.
even the skin that the demon's hands pass over feel warmer. the way that rook looks at him is...undeserved. but maybe he can one day be worthy of it.]
Fuck... [it's all jiho can say at first in face of such sincere words. he swallows, summoning a smirk from somewhere to keep himself from looking completely off-kilter.] Sixty years is a given, unless we let Yongseon turn me.
[ Rook hears all the things that Jiho isn't saying, hears the sincerity, hears the echo of promises and time that lay between them. the demon hears the 'we' and knows what that means, knows that there is a choice there, a choice that he has a say in. Rook-- well, he would never ask that of Jiho, would treasure what time he was given and mourn him when he passed but--
"if we let Yongseon turn me"
there is another option. Rook stills a little, hands still curled against the heat of Jiho, and thinks about what is being said. about the option.]
You don't-- I would never-- [ breathe. heartbeats in his ribcage rattling the marrow of him. Rook moves just enough to stare at Jiho, nose to nose.] You have that choice, Jiho. I will never ask that of you, I love you too much for that.
[rook would never ask it of him, jiho understands that. they could talk about it and he would respect whatever decision the assassin ultimately makes, he knows that too. but this is still something for them to figure out together. where rook is shaken, jiho is steady, no doubt or fear in either his eyes or his voice. that certainty is about wanting to spend his life with rook. wanting to spend eternity with him. it's just a question of how he earns that eternity.]
I already talked to him about it. I think he'd be willing, but- [a rare hesitation, but he wants to tell rook the whole story.] There was one catch. He said that the relationship between the sired and sire often turns romantic.
[and as pleasant as yongseon is, as generous as he is to consider this, jiho isn't comfortable with the possibility of that aspect. the blood, the feeding, even if it was just sex, he could deal with. but those are feelings he wants to share with rook alone.]
[ immortality was a weight that not all souls are meant to carry. there was always a price to be paid for it, something that Rook knew better than most (or perhaps he didn't, he can't remember at all what came before), and while he knows that he would never find it in himself to regret the choice Jiho makes, he still... worries. cares so much it makes him ache in a way he has not known in so very long.
it is not a surprise to him that Jiho has already talked to Yongseon, that he has weighed his options and looked into it. it was part of the reason he loved him so.
sliding in close again, running his hands through Jiho's hair, the demons sighs, nuzzles the angle of Jiho's jaw before pressing a kiss there as he listens. as he digests.]
And you don't wish for that. The romantic bond. [ no judgment, no surprise either. Rook is more aware than many about just how much time it took for Jiho to let his emotions come to the surface. knows that love like this, when it is something so powerful that you could tear the stars from the sky or your heart from your chest without a thought, is not something you share. ]
[jiho knows nothing of immortality. in fact, he's lived the last several years of his life having accepted his own death. he might've even lived like he already was dead. it made it easier to do the things that he needed to do. it made him brave.
now for the first time in a long time, he's afraid. for the first time he has thoughts of not wanting to die. it isn't the judgment that will surely come after that he fears, or the pain leading up to his last breath - not his pain, anyway.
rook will hurt. rook will be left alone again, with nowhere and no one like this to turn to. and jiho can't have that on him. so yes, he got a head start on his options, preparing for his new inevitable.]
It's not him. [the issues that jiho has are never the fault of another person. he knows that, wants to make it clear every time, even if he's not always believed.] I don't want it with anyone who isn't you.
[it seems ridiculous to him, taking any route he can get his hands on to be with rook, no matter how drastic, and then giving himself away like that. and there's a part of jiho that does believe that he only has so much love to give, that he's not overflowing with it the way that dash or minsu or rook is. for him it's finite, and he wants to give all of his that kind of love to rook.]
There's other ways.
[yongseon probably didn't mean to tell him that, but he did.]
[ Rook has lived a hundred lifetimes already, has gone through so many years that they bleed into one another, but he has never loved and lost. at least, not loved like this and lost. there have been a few others (two, there have been two) that he has cared about outside of everything, but-- loved? with every fiber of his damned being?
that was something that belonged to Jiho and Jiho alone.
so maybe he did understand what the assassin was saying better than you might think. knew that there were a finite number of souls in all of time that might be able to see what he was beneath all the gold, knew that he would never find and love another quite like he did Jiho.
it doesn't stop him from trembling though, small things that are born of emotions welling up in him, wild and overwhelming. he clings to Jiho, knowing that is the rock he needs to stay anchored. and if his voice is thick when he speaks, well...]
... there are but are they safe. I couldn't-- Ji I couldn't handle it if you were hurt in this endeavor.
[ 'if you were hurt because of me' is what he means. ]
[safe enough. safe for jiho. things he doesn't finish the sentence with, but believes nonetheless. even he wouldn't take unnecessary risks. this is too important, and while there is something of a clock ticking over them, jiho doesn't feel rushed enough to be careless.
the tragedy that turned him into what he is. all the things he's done since. it feels like they've all been leading up to this. jiho combs his fingers through rook's hair as he clings to him, pressing a kiss against his head.]
I wish you could've met my little brother. He would've liked you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
he knows the truth now, realized it one night when rook went from all bright smiles to a look of disappointment and a whispered apology before he left ash against the fingers that had just been touching his hair. the nail is driven even deeper the second time, when rook comes back with marks on his body, when he promised jiho that it didn't hurt but had trouble meeting the assassin's eyes.
jiho, like everyone, had assumed things. he knows better now, and one of the pains of caring for someone is that when they hurt, you hurt. even the times when he returns quickly, and unbothered, he's still too often pulled away in the middle of a story or a smile. he has no control over it, and jiho will never fault it for him.
he knits while he's gone, trying not to fume, trying not to worry. the blanket gets longer, and jiho's skill gets better, until one day rook returns and can crawl underneath it with him, jiho pulling it up over their heads. he touches the demon's face in the semi-darkness, trying to express so many things with soft touches of his lips: i'm glad you're back. i'm glad you're okay. sometimes it seems to take rook a little time to ground himself back into this, something soft that doesn't make demands of his body. which makes jiho hesitant to even ask, but he wants to know.]
How would I be able to summon you?
no subject
well, he couldn't stop being summoned, no matter how much he might want to. if he could make it so he could ignore the pull, the call, he would stay curled up around Jiho for the rest of time.
but he can't, so he just apologizes for having to leave and vows to never talk about what happens when he is away. which is hard on the few times when marks linger, when the person who summoned him lusted for pain and Rook, being what he is, had to give it. still, Rook doesn't talk about it. wishes that Jiho didn't have to see the lingering scars, because he knows that it bothers him. it never bothered Rook either, at least not until Jiho.
Rook was starting to think of things in terms of 'Before Jiho' and 'After Jiho'. he likes the latter, because it is warm blankets and soft laughter, dry read alouds of his newest book, and mock sword fights with knitting needles.
it's home.
sinking into the touch beneath the blankets, Rook can feel any lingering tension seep out of him, wraps around Jiho like a lifeline and buries his face against the curve of his neck. safe. peaceful.
so needless to say the question, no matter how soft, throws him for a loop. Rook freezes against Jiho, eyes snapping open in the twilight as he processes the question.]
Wh-- I mean, you need the ritual spell. My demonic name, some blood, a black candle but-- [ Rook shifts doesn't pull away, but pulls his head back enough to see Jiho.] Why?
no subject
he can deal with it though. this isn't enough to chase him away, he won't be chased away. but if he can help...
black candles are easy to come back in this house. so is a little bit of blood. jiho's eyes are steady as rook looks up at him, the assassin's hand gentle as it continues stroking his hair.]
Could I pull you back? If someone takes you away, can I summon you back here again? Back to me.
no subject
back to me rings in his ears.
Rook makes a noise before burying his face back against Jiho's skin, enjoying the easy comfort his presence brings as he tries to find words.]
Yeah I mean-- I could give you some of my blood to make the summoning more powerful, could pull me out of anything that way but-- [ there was always a but and this-- this is the hard part. Rook sighs, presses closer like he is trying to hide against Jiho's skin, away from everything.] I would be under your command then, my Cardinal in full effect. Ji, that--
[ he shakes his head. all but whispers the next words.] It would be a contract of sorts, I would have to fulfill whatever you lust after. You'd see me as the demon I am and not... this.
no subject
but he's afraid. he doesn't want to think of rook being made miserable every time he has to go. even if he's not being hurt, it's never really with his consent. jiho's not sure what he would do if he thinks about it too much, but it would likely be something dangerous. stupid.
so he doesn't like the idea of rook being under his control any more than he likes him under anyone else's. what he lusts for is what they normally have, so maybe there's a loophole in that. but the way rook presses closer, the softness of his voice, there's another part of this that's bothering him.]
Do you think I'd be scared of you?
no subject
that is the questions. well, kind of. not really. Rook knows that Jiho wouldn't be scared of him. hopes at least, but there-- he wasn't really himself when he was summoned. the spell made his Cardinal come out full force, made him more a puppet of Belial and Lust than it allowed him to be himself. he couldn't hurt Jiho if he was summoned by him, but he also--
he doesn't want Jiho to see him like that. dripping in gold and desire, something that was entirely not him.
the demon makes a quiet noise and shakes his head. then he pulls back a little, looks at Jiho for a moment before his gaze skitters away again.
No, not scared of me. I just... I don't want you to see that. See what I really am. [ because Rook hated his demonic form. and, well, he was a demon. that form was more him than this one in some respects. if you asked him. ]
no subject
[jiho's voice is firm but quiet, wanting rook to look him in the eyes again.]
You've seen me covered in blood, my own and someone else's. [if either of them had a reason to run from the other, it's rook. he's already seen jiho at his...not best, and he's still here.] Show me what you are, it won't change anything.
[rook could return with charred black skin, hooves, and a forked tongue. there's still a connection to the gentle demon lying beside him. that's all jiho needs.]
Teach me to do this. [he cups his cheek, aiming a soft kiss for his lips, resting their foreheads together.] Please.
no subject
Jiho kisses him softly.
mumbles please quietly between them in the dark.
Rook shivers at that. melts a little more and sinks into the warmth and quiet around them.
inhale. exhale.]
Okay.
[ he can do this, for Jiho. ]
Tomorrow. I can-- I can show you tomorrow and teach you the spell. But-- I mean it, Jiho, I'm not.. I'm not me. Not really.
no subject
[not the same way he handles others when he leaves the house. this requires love instead of aggression, and while once not so long ago jiho wouldn't have thought himself the man for the job-
with rook, it's different. that desire that jiho has to protect the house and those in it can be narrowed down into a fine point for the demon.]
Tomorrow.
[jiho presses against him, hand curling around the back of the demon's neck as he returns to kissing him, slow and deep and grounding.]
no subject
Rook really has no idea what he has done to deserve this. to deserve Jiho, but he doesn't want to think on it too much.
melting into the kiss, Rook shifts to pull the assassin closer, rolls to pull him on top of him and sighs at the added weight. feels safe. runs his fingers through Jiho's hair and exhales the tension that was coiling between his shoulder blades.]
Thank you.
[ the are barely spoken against his lips, but Rook knows that Jiho hears him. he always does. ]
no subject
jiho spends a few minutes just kissing him, resting on top of his body. he's never going to get tired of the demon's mouth, the soft lips that meet every press of his own. but at length, he breaks away from them to catch his breath.]
What is your demonic name?
no subject
there is a noise terribly close to a purr as Rook pulls Jiho closer, presses his face into the other's neck and inhales, lets his hands slide up and down along his back, pressing along the knobs of his spine.]
I will write it for you tomorrow, it won't make much sense to say it since you probably... won't be able to pronounce it. But--[ and he isn't insulting Jiho there, it is just that his name isn't in a language known to earth. not spoken at least. still, he hums and says it anyway, a rumble of what sounds like harsh, jarring noises and a hiss.
he traces the symbols for it against Jiho's shoulder blades.] You don't say it in the spell. Clearly.
no subject
congratulations, rook. you've just found the way of making jiho more careful with himself.
but it works both ways. jiho needs him too. he needs that laughter, and the adoring looks. he needs the sweetness of his mouth to make him feel things. the side of rook's body is a place for him to belong. that's why they're even having this conversation in the first place, jiho needs him so much.
there's a shiver when rook says his name, but not even a flicker of fear. and whatever it is that you're tracing against his skin, once jiho has it in his hands-
well, don't be surprised what he might do with it.]
I'll only do what you tell me to do. You don't have to worry, Rook. I wouldn't endanger either of us.
no subject
which is why he hands over his name so easily. it was not just the fae that guarded their true names, or the old gods, demons were easily controlled by them as well, the greater Cardinals told no one their names, had them erased from language if possible, but Rook-- Rook's name was something lesser. something to be woven into spells to pull him forth.
and now it was in Jiho's care.
the demon breathes Jiho in, lets himself feel content for a while longer here. safe. so goddamned safe. he presses his lips to the crown of Jiho's head, smiling softly.] I know you wouldn't. But-- consider it yours now. In whatever sense I can give it to you.
[ maybe Jiho won't realize just how trusting that is, to have a demon hand over his name willingly.]
no subject
[this. shit. jiho smiles before rolling on top of him, that smile softening as he looks into rook's eyes.]
I should give you something too. [he means that. he actually knows that rook is giving him something important. jiho doesn't really want control over any part of rook, demon included, but he at least knows that he won't abuse it. rook must know it too, to trust him like this. and so it does make jiho wish that he had something equally as precious to give him.] I want to. I don't think I have anything, but if there's anything you can put a name to, it's yours.
no subject
I cannot--
[ no, wait. let him breathe before you go stealing it again like that.
Rook opens his mouth then snaps it shut, the 'you don't have to' already on his lips when Jiho says he wants to. that it is something he desires rather than just something he thinks he should do. and Rook can't deny him much of anything, ever. so the demon slides his hands along Jiho's skin, along his thighs and over his hips, look of wonder on his face.]
Ji-- you already have given me something, and I mean more than just your amazing self. [ a crooked smile, the barest squeeze of his fingers. ] You've given me the closest thing to redemption, to heaven, that I will ever know. You are really all I ever want, for as long as you are willing to give me.
no subject
even the skin that the demon's hands pass over feel warmer. the way that rook looks at him is...undeserved. but maybe he can one day be worthy of it.]
Fuck... [it's all jiho can say at first in face of such sincere words. he swallows, summoning a smirk from somewhere to keep himself from looking completely off-kilter.] Sixty years is a given, unless we let Yongseon turn me.
['we', because rook has a say in this too.]
no subject
"if we let Yongseon turn me"
there is another option. Rook stills a little, hands still curled against the heat of Jiho, and thinks about what is being said. about the option.]
You don't-- I would never-- [ breathe. heartbeats in his ribcage rattling the marrow of him. Rook moves just enough to stare at Jiho, nose to nose.] You have that choice, Jiho. I will never ask that of you, I love you too much for that.
no subject
[rook would never ask it of him, jiho understands that. they could talk about it and he would respect whatever decision the assassin ultimately makes, he knows that too. but this is still something for them to figure out together. where rook is shaken, jiho is steady, no doubt or fear in either his eyes or his voice. that certainty is about wanting to spend his life with rook. wanting to spend eternity with him. it's just a question of how he earns that eternity.]
I already talked to him about it. I think he'd be willing, but- [a rare hesitation, but he wants to tell rook the whole story.] There was one catch. He said that the relationship between the sired and sire often turns romantic.
[and as pleasant as yongseon is, as generous as he is to consider this, jiho isn't comfortable with the possibility of that aspect. the blood, the feeding, even if it was just sex, he could deal with. but those are feelings he wants to share with rook alone.]
no subject
it is not a surprise to him that Jiho has already talked to Yongseon, that he has weighed his options and looked into it. it was part of the reason he loved him so.
sliding in close again, running his hands through Jiho's hair, the demons sighs, nuzzles the angle of Jiho's jaw before pressing a kiss there as he listens. as he digests.]
And you don't wish for that. The romantic bond. [ no judgment, no surprise either. Rook is more aware than many about just how much time it took for Jiho to let his emotions come to the surface. knows that love like this, when it is something so powerful that you could tear the stars from the sky or your heart from your chest without a thought, is not something you share. ]
May I inquire as to why? Is it just-- him? Or?
no subject
now for the first time in a long time, he's afraid. for the first time he has thoughts of not wanting to die. it isn't the judgment that will surely come after that he fears, or the pain leading up to his last breath - not his pain, anyway.
rook will hurt. rook will be left alone again, with nowhere and no one like this to turn to. and jiho can't have that on him. so yes, he got a head start on his options, preparing for his new inevitable.]
It's not him. [the issues that jiho has are never the fault of another person. he knows that, wants to make it clear every time, even if he's not always believed.] I don't want it with anyone who isn't you.
[it seems ridiculous to him, taking any route he can get his hands on to be with rook, no matter how drastic, and then giving himself away like that. and there's a part of jiho that does believe that he only has so much love to give, that he's not overflowing with it the way that dash or minsu or rook is. for him it's finite, and he wants to give all of his that kind of love to rook.]
There's other ways.
[yongseon probably didn't mean to tell him that, but he did.]
no subject
that was something that belonged to Jiho and Jiho alone.
so maybe he did understand what the assassin was saying better than you might think. knew that there were a finite number of souls in all of time that might be able to see what he was beneath all the gold, knew that he would never find and love another quite like he did Jiho.
it doesn't stop him from trembling though, small things that are born of emotions welling up in him, wild and overwhelming. he clings to Jiho, knowing that is the rock he needs to stay anchored. and if his voice is thick when he speaks, well...]
... there are but are they safe. I couldn't-- Ji I couldn't handle it if you were hurt in this endeavor.
[ 'if you were hurt because of me' is what he means. ]
no subject
[safe enough. safe for jiho. things he doesn't finish the sentence with, but believes nonetheless. even he wouldn't take unnecessary risks. this is too important, and while there is something of a clock ticking over them, jiho doesn't feel rushed enough to be careless.
the tragedy that turned him into what he is. all the things he's done since. it feels like they've all been leading up to this. jiho combs his fingers through rook's hair as he clings to him, pressing a kiss against his head.]
I wish you could've met my little brother. He would've liked you.